Jackson’s Birth Story
6/16/16
I have a
lot of thoughts running around in my head as I write down this story of how
Jackson Mark came into the world. Mostly they involve relief, happiness, and
gratitude. It is funny how you think you know what to expect, for the most
part, when it comes to childbirth, once you have done it before. This labor
story proves that theory completely wrong. I will start at the beginning. (Just
a warning, this is long. It’s impossible to write things like this succinctly
and I even think this much doesn’t do it justice!)
In the
weeks leading up to Jackson’s birth, my body was definitely getting ready. I
had menstrual-like cramps starting at about 35 weeks and just the general
heaviness and achiness that come with carrying a baby who is moving lower and
lower down. I was happy to feel all this, as this is what had happened with
Graham and it was nice to have that reminder again that my body was in prep
mode. At around 37 weeks or so I started having mild contractions along with
the cramping. Usually only once or twice a day, sometimes at night. Nothing
major, but still an exciting development. Chance and I were both thinking Jack
might come early, one, because of all these symptoms, and two, because Kate and
Graham had both been 6 days early so we figured maybe that was just my body’s
schedule. We didn’t count on Jack surprising us even earlier than that! I was
due on June 27 but on June 15 in the daytime I lost part of my mucous plug and
that evening I started having more consistent contractions. This was pretty
much exactly how it happened with Graham so we were getting pretty excited! We
stayed up until about midnight and they kind of tapered off so we went to bed around
midnight. At 3:30 am I woke up with some real contractions. They were happening
every 20 minutes or so and I knew from experience that these were more the real
deal than the day before. This really was shaping up to be exactly like Graham’s
labor, even the time of day and everything and I was getting excited! I
thought, “If this happens like Graham, we’ll have a baby by 11 am today!!”
Little did I know…that would NOT be the case. J I stayed up from then
on, contractions coming 15-20 minutes with mild intensity. Nothing crazy. I
randomly watched High School Musical during this time, for some reason it
sounded like the perfect thing to watch. Haha! I assumed I would need Chance to
stay home from work that day but as time went on, nothing changed, so he went
to work like normal. The whole day was pretty much a waiting game through the
contractions. It was kind of frustrating because I had gotten my hopes up for a
fairly fast delivery and it was getting tiring to realize that that was not
happening. In the middle of the day my contractions even slowed down to about
30 minutes apart and I tried not to get too discouraged. I tried to stay
relaxed and just happy with whatever happened but I admit, my patience and
stamina were wearing thin. I think that was a huge part of what made this labor
more difficult in some ways, was the fact that I was running on three hours of
sleep through it all. It wasn’t until the evening that things got truly
difficult but the daytime was still exhausting in its own way. One thing I was
really grateful for was the awesome weather on the day Jack was born. During
the day I took the kids out to a little park in our complex and walked around while
they played and it was so nice because there was a slight breeze and it wasn’t
unbearably hot. For a baby coming in the middle of June, I was sure happy about
that! I actually had an ob appointment at 2:15 pm, so once we realized the baby
wasn’t coming before that, we headed to the doctor’s office. I kept having
contractions and when they checked me I was dilated to a 3.5 and was 90%
effaced. We were happy to hear that, as at my last appointment I had been
dilated to a 2 and was 80% effaced. So progress was being made! Not as fast as
I had hoped but, still. We came home and Chance went back to work but later in
the afternoon, around 3:30 pm, my contractions started getting a little more
painful and I had Chance come home early from work (Chance’s mom was also at
our house at that point, so she was watching the kids, which made such a
difference in my ability to relax. Even though my kids were mostly just
watching shows and not disturbing me during the day, it was still mentally hard
to know I was in charge of them while I was laboring). Having Chance home also
made such a difference for me. I know husbands always joke that they don’t have
a very important role in the labor process but that is so far from the truth.
Having him there was my security blanket, even if he wasn’t doing a ton just
yet. I have said it before, but I do think labor is hugely a mental
process/obstacle and I think one of the biggest indicators of how good a woman’s
experience turns out to be is how much she feels support from those around her.
Labor and delivery of any kind is terrifying. There is no way around that. But
not feeling alone, that is what gets you through it. As the afternoon turned
into the evening, things picked up to where my contractions were coming every 5
minutes or so for about an hour. Just when we were thinking it was time to head
out, they slowed back down to every 15-20 minutes. This is one of the ways this
labor was different. My contractions were much less consistent overall than
with my other two kids. They kept progressing then slowing down. Not very fun.
I have a couple theories for why this was the case and one of them is my own
mental and emotional feelings. During this pregnancy I would say I felt pretty
confident about labor for the most part, and when I did feel uneasy it was easy
for me to shake the feeling off. However, once I was actually in labor, I felt
myself getting more and more nervous and I couldn’t make it go away. I wonder
if part of it was just me being that much more exhausted and also because my
last labor experience had been kind of traumatic at the end (Graham’s heart
rate had dropped very low around transition and he was about a minute away from
an emergency c-section when it came up a little and I was able to just push him
out as quickly as possible). I’m not sure why it was harder for me to relax
about the impending delivery but it just was. So, my contractions became
farther apart and more irregular but they were growing in intensity. This
confused me so I called the ob and the doctor on call told me the bigger
indicator for when to go in was contractions getting closer, so unless I felt
they were just too painful, he would wait a little longer. That was also hard
to hear because they were hurting! I didn’t want to make the mistake of going
in too soon, but as they hurt more I became less sure of what to do. We decided
to have me walk around more outside to see if we could get them to start coming
more frequently. This definitely did help and they picked up to every 4-5
minutes apart again. This was another time when I distinctly remember the
awesome weather. It was a beautiful experience in a way, even though I was
having these painful contractions, I felt a gentle breeze and kept looking around
at how pretty the evening was. I was still nervous and I remember kind of
saying a little prayer that I could feel more peace. That prayer was answered
as I felt a gentle quiet feeling as if Heavenly Father was holding and comforting
me. I will always have a special place in my heart for that time spent laboring
outside in that beautiful evening. After about another hour, we headed to the
hospital. This was around 7:30 pm or so. I felt pretty emotional about leaving
Graham, in particular. I think it was just the fact that he would soon no
longer be my youngest “baby.” I’m sure all my hormones and exhaustion didn’t
help J.
So, we drove to the hospital, checked in, and found out I was dilated to a 6.5!
Hallelujah! I delivered at Intermountain Medical Center and I just have to say
how awesome of a hospital it was. My nurses were wonderful, I felt so well
taken care of and respected. I feel so blessed to always have had good nurses,
for all of my deliveries. No crazy horror stories about labor and delivery
nurses for me!! I wonder if those are more the exception than the norm, and you
only hear the worst stories. I for one have nothing but love and respect for
all of my nurses. While at the hospital, I mostly labored standing up, leaning
over on the bed, or on my hands and knees. I also spent quite a bit of time
kneeling over the back of the bed, when it was in the upright position, at the
suggestion of my nurse (like I said, she was amazing, hands on and so helpful).
I had Chance, his mom, and my sister Heidi there helping me, just like with
Graham. What an awesome team we make! J Something that was
funny that I liked during contractions was Chance holding on to my head, with a
little pressure. Sounds so weird, I know, but for some reason I liked it! Maybe
it helped distract me from the pressure and pain below. That and
counterpressure on my back. I loved using the exercise ball with Graham, but I
only used it through one contraction this time and then that was it for me! I
think the ball was blown up too much so it was kind of hard to sit on. I also
felt a lot more pressure during contractions in my bum, so I think that’s why
sitting down wasn’t so good. Things kept going, and my water broke on it’s own
sometime around 8 centimeters I think. This felt SO good! During the intense
pressure of a contraction, to have some of it relieved in that way was amazing!
It felt like a warm water balloon popped all over me, haha! Later (time does
not exist in labor) a doctor came in to check on me, not my doctor, but another
one from the practice. Turns out he was the one I had spoken to on the phone
earlier! We also found out later that he was the doctor who had delivered both
of my sister-in-law's babies! My doctor had four other deliveries
happening so he was in the hospital but not available. But it all worked out
because I am forever grateful to this other doctor. He came and checked my
progress a few times and finally he said I was at a 9. However, things weren’t
progressing from there. Turns out Jack was slightly oblique (I think that's what it's called), which meant that he was
head down but diagonal just a little so that he wasn’t perfectly engaged in my
cervix. I think this is the other part of why my labor had progressed slowly in
the way it did. I think my body was working hard to get him in the right
position! This part of labor was also so different! In transition with Kate and
Graham I had had no breaks in contractions, one on top on the other, and my
urge to push was so strong and came before I was fully dilated. Yet here I was
this time, at a 9, still having breaks between contractions, some of them
fairly long breaks, and no urge to push. This was good and bad, as I was having
insanely painful contractions for a longer time, but getting a break in
between. This was when the doctor was a real blessing for me. He encouraged me
to try different positions, like my hands and knees and on my side, which I did
with no luck. Next, he decided to try and manually turn Jack into the right
position. Holy moly. SO painful. I had actually watched a labor video of a mom
delivering twins and the doctor was trying to manually turn one baby who was
breech and I remember thinking, “Oh my gosh, that is insane, that can never
happen for me!!” Ha. While her situation was definitely worse than mine, the
attempts to turn Jack were incredibly painful. He had to try it at least a few
times and luckily it eventually worked!!! Yes!! What seemed like instantly
after he got Jack into the right position, I dilated the rest of the way to a
10. However, the urge to push still wasn’t there! My own doctor showed up just
in time and I started pushing during contractions even though I didn’t feel
that strong urge. I would feel it come a little bit as I was pushing and it did
get a little stronger but never with quite the same intensity as my other kids.
I pushed on my back with my knees up (the doctor did ask me how I wanted to
push but in that moment no position sounded less painful or better so I just
went with that one) for what seemed like forever but was really only through
two contractions. It was about 15 minutes of pushing. Pushing was about the
same as it felt with Graham, probably a tiny bit less painful, as Graham had
had one hand up by his face, which made it hurt more. Once Jack’s head was out,
he didn’t slip out super easily like I remember with Kate, but I only had to
push a little more to get his shoulders and the rest of him out. Oh man. SUCH
an incredible feeling. And I didn’t even tear or need an episiotomy this time! Another
difference this time was, while I was super happy to have him out, I think I
just felt more relief and exhaustion than anything else, at least in those very
first moments. I kept saying, "It's done! It's done!" I heard him cry immediately and that was just awesome. Knowing
he was safely out and crying loudly was the best gift I could have received. It was also pretty fun to have Chance be the one to tell me that he was a boy! That was special. I think I was less surprised that he was a boy than I would have been if he was a girl, but Chance said he thought Jack was a girl and was more surprised he was a boy. All in all, this labor proved to me once again that the only thing you can know
for sure about labor is that it will not turn out the way you plan. I am so
grateful and happy to have Jack here. He is such a blessing.
People
reading this probably wonder, “Why not just get the epidural??” Trust me, I ask
myself that, particularly at the end, I was mentally scolding myself more than
anyone! “Anna, seriously? Why?? Why again? What were you thinking?” Even now, I
never close my mind to the idea of an epidural in the future. I think it is
silly to assume you HAVE to do it one way. However, I will try to explain some
logic behind this seemingly crazy decision. For me, it comes down mostly to one
thing: feeling empowered. This is completely personal for me. There are
thousands of ways a person can feel empowered and choosing unmedicated labor
does not have to be the way for everyone. Labor is terrifying. Like I said,
this time around, I was definitely more nervous and through it all I kept
thinking, “I think this is just too scary. I think I’m just too scared this
time.” I was more vocal throughout this labor and I think that was because of
the nerves. However, there is something about being in this incredibly painful
and challenging experience, where your body feels like it literally is going to
break, and the only way out of it is through it, and then, somehow, you make it
through it. This isn’t to say I recommend choosing this route because it is a
challenge or because you have something to prove. But for me it has been a huge
confidence boost throughout motherhood, especially the challenging newborn
stage, to think back and say, “I got through that experience that I thought was
impossible, I can get through this.” I actually think back to my labor
experiences when I have a challenge in life unrelated to motherhood. My
experiences have become metaphors for many parts of my life. I feel like I make
next to no sense trying to explain this. But that is the best I can do! When it
comes down to it, I chose unmedicated birth because it was what I wanted to do,
and I think everyone should make their own decisions based on what they most
want to do. And like I said, I feel no strong opposition to an epidural in the
future (if another baby happens to be in the cards for us). Do what is best for
you!! That is all I have to say about that J.
Jack is a
week old now, and things are going well! I feel mostly recovered and he has
been a really good baby. I obviously have nothing else to compare it to, but I've always had pretty easy recoveries and I think that may be partly from going unmedicated. Kate was the hardest, as she was my first, and I also got an episiotomy with her. She still wasn't bad though. Jack loves to eat, although nursing was pretty painful
for a little bit. I took him to the doctor and he did have a little tongue tie,
which they clipped, and nursing has been getting a lot better after that. He
looks mostly like Kate and myself, everyone seems to think so. We all love him
so much!!
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